Your Brain on Conflict

Why You React the Way You Do

Most of us think we’re “bad at conflict” because we overreact, shut down, or replay the same patterns over and over. But the truth is, your brain is wired to treat conflict like danger.

It’s the jolt of adrenaline when someone raises their voice.
It’s the way your mind races to defend itself before you’ve even heard the full story.
It’s the flood of emotions that make you say things you don’t mean — or hold back things you do.

Conflict doesn’t just live in conversations. It lives in your nervous system. And once you understand how your brain reacts, you can stop being hijacked by it — and start responding with clarity.

Everyday Signs of Your Brain on Conflict

Here’s how your brain’s built-in wiring shows up in daily life:

• Fight Mode: You snap back quickly, raising your voice or defending your position before the other person finishes theirs.
  
  
• Flight Mode: You avoid the hard conversation altogether, hoping it will just blow over.
  
  
• Freeze Mode: You go blank, can’t think straight, and only later replay what you “should have said.”
  
  
• Fawn Mode: You appease the other person, sacrificing your own needs to keep the peace.
  
  

None of these reactions mean you’re weak or broken. They mean your brain is doing its job: keeping you safe. The key is learning how to notice the pattern before it wrecks you.

Why Naming It Helps

The moment you say, “Oh, this is my brain on conflict,” you step out of automatic survival mode and into awareness.

Naming it gives you choice.

• Instead of letting the adrenaline take over, you can pause.
  
  
• Instead of repeating the same pattern, you can redirect.
  
  
• Instead of blaming yourself for overreacting, you can use it as data for growth.
  
  

When you see your brain’s conflict patterns clearly, you gain the power to change them.

The Self-Coaching Moment

Next time you feel hijacked in conflict, pause and ask yourself:

• Which mode am I in — fight, flight, freeze, or fawn?
  
  
• What does this reaction tell me about what I’m protecting?
  
  
• What’s one small step I can take toward clarity instead of reactivity?
  
  

These questions shift you from being run by your brain to guiding it with awareness.

Your Turn

Think back over your last 24 hours. Where did your brain slip into a conflict mode? Did you fight, flee, freeze, or fawn?

Write down three moments. What might have shifted if you had spotted the pattern sooner and chosen a different response?

📄 Want a simple way to remember the key steps? Download the 1-page Your Brain on Conflict Cheatsheet 

💌 Want more ways to work with your brain in conflict instead of against it? Subscribe to Uncensored: The Self Coach Journal — your weekly guide to self-coaching, conscious communication, and Transformational Conflict™.

🌐 Learn more at www.MarianneMacKenzie.com

P.S. When you understand your brain on conflict, you stop being hijacked by old patterns — and start creating new ones that serve you.