I Don’t Avoid Conflict — I Just Avoid Drama

Some people hear “I don’t avoid conflict” and assume I must love confrontation. They picture me charging into arguments like a gladiator, ready for battle. Not true. I just know the difference between conflict and drama — and I choose my ground carefully.

Conflict is inevitable. Drama is optional.

Conflict is Human. Drama is Performative.

Conflict is simply the moment two people see, feel, or want something different. That’s it. It’s the natural byproduct of being human with other humans.

Drama, on the other hand, is what happens when we wrap that difference in judgment, blame, and emotional theatrics. It’s the extra noise — the sighs, the sarcasm, the side conversations, the scorekeeping.

One moves you toward resolution. The other keeps you stuck in the same tired storyline.

The Real Problem with Avoiding Conflict

A lot of people avoid conflict because they think it’s messy. But here’s the truth: when you avoid conflict, you don’t actually avoid the mess — you bury it. It still seeps out, often as drama.

Avoidance doesn’t save you from discomfort. It just trades one type of discomfort for another: silence instead of clarity, resentment instead of resolution, and distance instead of deeper connection.

My Rule: Step In Early, Step In Clean

I don’t go looking for conflict, but I don’t duck away when it knocks. Why? Because the sooner you step into conflict — and the cleaner you keep the conversation — the less chance it has to rot into drama.

Clean conflict means centering yourself before you speak, owning your perspective without shaming the other person, and sticking to what matters instead of dragging in every grievance since 2015.

Drama Feeds Ego. Conflict Feeds Growth.

Drama loves an audience. It thrives on reaction and escalation. Conflict, when handled with skill, feeds understanding. It grows trust. It deepens relationships.

And here’s the kicker: you can’t have authentic connection without a little conflict. It’s the testing ground where we learn to be real with each other.

The Self-Coaching Moment

Before you step into any disagreement, pause and ask yourself: Am I entering this for resolution or for validation? Do I want to understand or to “win”? Is what I’m about to say going to clarify — or cloud — the truth?

That pause — that moment of seeing yourself clearly — is where the Observer steps in. It’s how you shift from reacting in the heat of drama to responding in the clarity of conflict.

Your Turn

Think about the last disagreement you had. Was it clean conflict or messy drama? What would have been different if you had centered yourself first?

Conflict is an opportunity. Drama is a detour. Choose the path that leads somewhere worth going.

💌 Want more ways to see and solve conflict differently? Subscribe to Uncensored: The Self Coach Journal — my weekly newsletter on self-coaching, conscious communication, and turning conflict into connection.

🔗 If this sparked something for you, forward it to a friend or colleague who might need a fresh perspective on conflict.

🌐 Learn more about my work at www.MarianneMacKenzie.com

P.S. Clean conflict isn’t just a skill. It’s a habit. And like any habit, it changes everything when you practice it.