Holiday Conflict Tips! How to Keep Your Peace at the Table

Family gatherings can be equal parts joy and minefield. Whether it’s Christmas dinner, Easter brunch, or a random Sunday cookout, expectations, unspoken rules, and old family patterns tend to show up at the table.

Maybe someone makes a comment about your weight. Maybe an uncle stirs the political pot. Maybe a sibling pushes the same button they’ve pushed for 20 years.

The truth? You don’t have to get caught in the same old dance. You can show up differently — with more clarity, boundaries, and peace.

Everyday Signs of Holiday Conflict

Here are some of the most common ways it sneaks into gatherings:

• Unsolicited Comments: “Are you really going to eat that?”
  
  
• Hot Topics: Politics, religion, money — the classics.
  
  
• Old Roles: You’re treated like the “baby” of the family… even at 50.
  
  
• Unspoken Rules: “We don’t talk about that here.”
  
  

Conflict isn’t the problem. It’s the difference that rises. The challenge is how we respond.

Why Protecting Your Peace Matters

When you let every jab land, every comment hook you, or every silence weigh on you, your energy gets drained. And your energy is the only thing you actually bring to the table.

Protecting your peace isn’t selfish. It’s essential.

My Rule: Plan Your Peace in Advance

Don’t wait until you’re triggered to decide how you’ll handle it. A few small choices before the gathering can change everything:

• Decide in Advance: What will you let slide? What will you address?
  
  
• Make a Lifeline Plan: Step outside, text a friend, or — yes — take a bathroom break.
  
  
• Observer On: Say it to yourself as your mental switch from reactivity to choice.
  
  

The Self-Coaching Moment

Next time you walk into a gathering, try this:

• Name one thing you want to bring to the table (patience, humor, curiosity).
  
  
• Name one thing you refuse to carry (resentment, defensiveness, shame).
  
  
• Silently say, “Observer On.”
  
  

Those three micro-choices can help you stay centered, no matter what comes up.

Your Turn

Think about your last family gathering. Where did conflict quietly show up? What could shift if, instead of reacting out of habit, you prepared your peace in advance?

💌 Want more tools for navigating tricky moments with clarity? Subscribe to Uncensored: The Self Coach Journal — my weekly newsletter on self-coaching, conscious communication, and Transformational Conflict™.

]🌐 Learn more about my work at www.MarianneMacKenzie.com

P.S. You don’t have to play the same role in family drama. Protecting your peace protects your relationships, too.